A Rock and a Hard Place: An Ode or Woe to [Single] Motherhood

Sometimes I wish I was more competitive. I wish that every time an obstacle presented itself, I would just go hard no matter what, not caring who or what is around me, and go for the win. If I could do that, than this past weekend would’ve been a no brainer. I’m almost positive that the fact that I never really played sports has a lot to do with why this past weekend was so hard. When I did play [bowling-cuz it IS a sport], I played just for fun. Simply put, just Livin’ la Vida Loca like my old friend Ricky Martin would’ve put it. I didn’t really care about the competition, I just played my part and stuck with it because of my teammates and the commitment I made to play (see Morgan Park High School yearbook 2000-2004 lol).

At the time I started writing this, it was 7am this past Friday morning and I was jotting down my thoughts. This blog stemmed from a moment when I was feeling really down and needed some advice, but didn’t know who to call or even if I should call someone, rather just figure it out myself. Maybe this was one of those decisions that I needed to make on my own. I was feeling like I did my son a real disservice by pulling him out of all of his sports activities (for the week) rather than push him to play harder in spite of the obstacles we were facing. A lot changed within a matter of days. It all started when our relentless opposing team came along and promised my son this “elaborate weekend”, even though he knew he probably couldn’t see it through he tried it anyway, completely throwing my son off focus and catching me off guard once again. Because I know how much my son loves his sports I felt trapped in the middle (this “elaborate weekend” included sports as well). This is not the first time this has happened, which is why I am so upset with myself that I fell for it again. See as a mother (probably more often than not, a single mother (yes there’s bias)) I often find myself trying to play both sides of the fence, probably in all reality afraid to stand firm on a decision that could end up backfiring on me or my son either way. So when I initially told my son he could attend this “elaborate weekend”, I had only partially taken into consideration all the backlash that would come from allowing him to do so, I just wanted him to have a great weekend. I also didn’t want to be the bad guy-I’m always the bad guy. I didn’t consider that my son would back out of his initial commitment, rather I thought that if I presented him a “meet me halfway” opportunity, he could attend one on Saturday and the other on Sunday, and every need would be met…#cueloudbackfiringexplosionsounds.

Turns out, my son chose to back out of his initial obligation completely and solely go for the “elaborate weekend” opportunity. I guess because I saw both as great opportunities it was only fair that we could find away to enjoy both, but my son…and the opposing team of course, did not see it that way. It was all or nothing. So I decided to do nothing. I mean either way, I’m the bad guy…right?! However, rather than put my foot down and tell my son to just focus on what he already had going on, I allowed the distracting opposition to frustrate me and pulled my son from everything. His head was already out of his commitments anyway. “We ain’t doing ish then” in the words of many a black mother. But was I really expecting him to focus on one thing or make a sound decision, “the right decision” when clearly my decision making was all over the place? I should’ve never even agreed with the opposer which is how I really felt. But I’m always trying to keep the peace (insert rolling eyes emoji here). I’m sure he did what most ten year old boys would do, yet and still because of my desire to try to avoid the competition or confrontation with the opposer rather than face the challenge head on, my son ended up upset and I ended up trying to fight against the guilt of feeling like the bad guy…and there I was, at the end of the weekend, sitting there with the guilt looking like the bad guy. So I let him attend what he was already committed to, but I still feel bad because I don’t know what lesson he got from all of this, and I probably won’t know until he’s in his late 20’s or early to mid 30’s wishing his life was different as a child…(stretching much?)…nah (see mommy/daddy issues).

At the end of the day, I wanted him to be happy, but also wanted him to learn some valuable lessons.  I wanted him to learn to be committed to his team and teammates and to do what he said he was going to do (and I also wanted him to know it is not ok to watch mommy be bullied into making decisions by the opposing team). And yet I still don’t know if those were the lessons he got from all that so what was it all for? It took a lot to get him engaged because obviously his head was somewhere else, but lucky for him, he has a bit of grit and he pushed through. It just took so much to get to that point and at the end of it all, I still don’t know if he gets it; heck, I’m not sure if I do.

In a moment of self-reflection, I do realize one of two of my Achilles Heels came out this past weekend: my struggle with stern decision making when it comes to my kids (see previous/upcoming blog My Achilles Heel). I want so badly to make the right/best decisions when it comes to my children while trying to avoid the possibilities of them growing up to be bruised, bitter, and broken adults like all too many of us (I thought when you knew better you do better), that when I finally do make a [hard] decision, it usually comes in the form of an emotional reaction, stemming from the loads of pressure I feel when faced with making a decision that seems like it will work in the favor of everyone else but me and my children, and even though I feel like I’ve done the right thing, I still feel like I failed them anyway. I just wanted that weekend to not be a fight.

So as I mentioned earlier, I ended up letting him play what he already committed to(insert slap face emoji here). Today, on this Monday evening, I don’t even if I know if it was a good thing or a bad thing. I don’t know what he learned, I don’t know what I learned, all I know is it created a ball of emotions for us all and now we’re stuck trying to figure out the resolution. Now hear me clearly- I AM NOT trying to be my child’s friend, but what I am trying to do is build up good character in him, teach him to be well rounded, honoring commitments, loyalty, and consideration for others (things the world knows nothing about anymore), so I show him grace from time to time to give him an opportunity to understand why decisions are made the way they are. I do this because I know this opposing team is relentless, and I hate the fact that my children constantly have to suffer because of such. And as it stands today, on this Monday evening at 7:39pm, I still don’t know if I made the right decision because the opposing team is back at it again.

#cueBeyonce’FlawsandAll

#orsomebody’ssongwhoistired!

Alpha. Beta. Submissive? Virtuous! One, None, or All of the Above?

As if society hasn’t placed enough labels on women already, now we have to be defined according to our strengths and/or seemingly weaknesses? Is one of these labels more preferred over the other, or are each an example of who we are or who we have to be, to be accepted in the world we live in?  Before we can answer those questions, let’s take a look into what each one of those labels or, I’ll use interchangeably, roles mean.

Alpha female- powerful and successful woman, often in a leadership role. Alpha females are often described as intimidating by men and women alike.

Beta Female– a sweet and a caring soul who is usually demure (reserved, modest, and shy) and the type of girl men prefer to be with. She is feminine, very creative or artistic, and enjoys the simple pleasures in life.  A beta female is usually the Alpha female’s best friend and is seen as the ‘plain jane’ who ties the group together.

Submissive– inclined or ready to submit or yield to the authority of another; unresistingly or humbly obedient.

Virtuous– conforming to moral and ethical principles; morally excellent; upright.

Recently, I came across a social media post regarding this topic and it immediately sparked interest in me so I decided to read further up on the subject and then write about it.  The gist of the conversation was that more women are “aspiring” to be Alpha females rather than be Beta females, which would cause some problems in male/female relationships because some men, probably those of high stature, prefer to be with this “Beta” female. Assuming she causes minimal problems, is silent, and submissive-which we will dive into, etc.  One comment that stood out to me on this post was that of  someone we will call “Sista-girl” for the sake of me pretending like I was minding my own business. “Sista-girl” said, “It’s not that women are “aspiring” to be Alpha females, some women are just playing the hands they were dealt due to the circumstances life has handed them,” to say the least. Let me tell you honey! If I were in church, I would’ve thrown my hanky at the pulpit and yelled in my best first lady voice, “Preach-Preachaa!!” That resonated so deeply with me as I look back over my life and observe the types of women who surrounded and currently surround me.  Allow me to share a little of my story, starting with the Alpha and Beta females in my life, for those of you who don’t really know much about me.

I grew up in a single mother-grandmother-great grandmother village, and to be honest, most of the people in the village surrounding me were single mothers as well (interesting revelation). So that means most of everything that I learned growing up came from women. More specifically, 3 individual women who wore so many hats it would’ve been hard back in the day to place them in one specific role.  Starting from the top, you have my great grandmother-the sweetest, most pleasant, God-fearing, dainty, sassy yet humble, stylish, little something (and I do mean little-standing probably no more than 5’2” tall) you could ever meet. She was without a doubt what many today would call a “Beta” female. I don’t know too much about her early years unfortunately, but by her demeanor, I could tell she was definitely a homemaker type before her husband passed away and even after that, effortlessly showing us coming up under her what grace, elegance and sophistication looked and acted like.

Then there’s my granny.  This lady is anything but a Beta-she is definitely an Alpha Boss in her own right. Don’t get me wrong, she is a sweetie pie, but that might not be the first side you encounter depending on who you are and how you come to her.  Single mom of 2, 2 jobs, professional bowler, traveler, and handler of it all for most of her life, and wasn’t taking ‘nothing from nobody!

Next up you have my mom, who definitely has many Beta characteristics, but coming from the womb of someone as strong as my grandmother and being a young single mom for a significant portion of her life, she didn’t ask to be the alpha female, she simply played the cards she was dealt to make sure her kids were taken care of and she was not going to let anyone or anything come between that.

My sister, although not completely included in the hierarchy of elders listed above, she is my big sister…and if you know her, she is an Alpha by determination! Taking nothing less than what she deserves and definitely not taking no for an answer and doing a dang good job at it, #insertflexemojiandkissyfacehere!

Last, but certainly not least, you have me. Many people from my earlier years would say I was definitely a Beta female, oddly enough considering the women who stood over me growing up.  But I also spent a lot of time with my great grandmother throughout my high school years so I guess her Beta tendencies rubbed off on me, and to be honest, it’s actually who I’d prefer to be. It wasn’t until I got in the most draining, heart wrenching relationship in what I thought was my adult years, that I had no choice but to tap into my “Alpha-me”, because otherwise, “Beta-me” would still be somewhere being nice and fighting for her life (pun or no pun intended). Unfortunately, and to the point of the aforementioned Sista-girl from the social media post, it was something I, like many women, have had no choice but to tap into as a means for survival or for the sake of getting by or surviving.  For many (or for me), Beta doesn’t get you anywhere but cussed out, not taken seriously, taken advantage of, and backed up against walls. So to Sista-girl’s point, and as I consider certain commonalities of the women in my family-all of the “Alpha female” traits were not something they aspired to be rather than something they had to discover to take care of themselves and their families.

For example, take a look at the professional level, think about all of the women (especially black women) who might start off in the workplace with the “Beta” mentality because we don’t want to come off as the “angry or aggressive” black woman. But to be honest, the Beta role CAN’T last long at work either, otherwise you’ll be working in the mail room forever (not that there is anything wrong with the mail room, cue ‘Started from the Bottom No We Here’).  My point is, women, especially black women, HAVE to tap into that alpha side in order to be taken seriously and break grounds for herself. (And men-don’t come on here talking about y’all women wanted to go to work).  Fortunately but unfortunately, sometimes that can carry over into the household, as well as, in relationships which apparently to some, is not a good thing.  To be completely honest, I think you need a combination of the two for a healthy, balanced relationship.  As much as men say they want a Beta, I think depending on the type of man you’re dealing with, that man could get bored with an ‘all-Beta’.  I believe men like a challenge whether they will ever admit to it or not (and trust there is not too much I will speak on if I haven’t lived it or witnessed it personally so believe me when I say this).

Now let’s briefly talk about the submissive female.  I think it’s safe to say she falls under the Beta category, or does she?  By definition, one who is submissive is someone who yields to the authority of another and is unresistingly or humbly obedient. How does that make you feel?  For me, I actually love the word for two reasons:

  1. it’s biblical: See Ephesians 5:21-23, NIV version.

  21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

2. It’s the reality of who we were ALL created to be: men and women alike…or did you not know that men should be submissive too? Re-read v.21 and then read on down through vs. 25.

 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

In order to give yourself up to something, you have to submit to it, right? You have to die to yourself/your flesh in order to love (also submit) to your wife as Christ loves His church, so you men, have to have a little “Beta” in you too right-can I get an Amen? Oh, ok lol…I won’t go too deep on y’all tonight, we’ll save that for another blog another day 😊.

Last but not least is my favorite, the Virtuous Woman, the Proverbs 31 woman, or the Wife of Noble Character, whichever version your prefer.  Now this woman is a boss in HER own right.  If you really look at the verses, she is a little Beta and a little Alpha, but if I had to choose, she sounds more of an Alpha female to me and her husband knows that and it’s what he admires most about her. She makes his job easy (true help-meet).  Let’s take a look at the verses:

[b]A wife of noble character who can find?
    She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
    and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
    all the days of her life.  =BETA (gentle, sweet, probably non-confrontational)

13 She selects wool and flax
    and works with eager hands.  =ALPHA (works with her hands)
14 She is like the merchant ships,
    bringing her food from afar.  =ALPHA (independent/getting her own)
15 She gets up while it is still night; =ALPHA (hardworker)

    she provides food for her family = ALPHA/BETA (she could be a single mom/provider, or simply just making sure her family never misses a meal)
    and portions for her female servants.  =BETA (servitude, compassionate, considerate)
16 She considers a field and buys it;
    out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.  =ALPHA (Real Estate #flexemoji)
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
    her arms are strong for her tasks. = ALPHA (she ain’t no punk!)

18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
    and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
    and grasps the spindle with her fingers.  =ALPHA

20 She opens her arms to the poor
    and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
    for all of them are clothed in scarlet. =ALPHA/BETA
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
    she is clothed in fine linen and purple.  =ALPHA/ BETA

23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
    where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them, =ALPHA
    and supplies the merchants with sashes. =BETA (she’s always thinking of others)
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; =ALPHA/ BETA
    she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
    and faithful instruction is on her tongue. =ALPHA
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.  =#BIGALPHA-(she watches over the affairs of her household (because y’all men know y’all not trying to keep up with them bills!)

28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:…and the right husband loves every minute of her Strength and Dignity as mentioned in v.25
29 “Many women do noble things,
    but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done, =she works hard not only because she wants to, but apparently she HAS to in order for HER household to run a certain way v.27.
    and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

So what’s my point in this lengthy blog?  After deciphering the definitions of each label or role, it’s safe to say that it might be very hard to find one woman that fits one specific role, especially in a time where everyone is expected to “pull their weight or hold their own”, rather, accept the FACT that depending on the circumstances our lives have placed in front of us, each woman is and has the right to be whichever role(s) suits her and her situation, understanding that at any given moment she might have to switch it up, whether it be at work, at home, in line at the grocery store with the clerk that decided to turn her light off and go on break like she didn’t see the line full of people…Women have to be Alpha, Beta, and Virtuous, you men just better pray that YOU are in the right position (spiritually, mentally, etc. 😊)to receive the woman who will willingly “submit” to what you have to offer.  It takes two.

Cue Whitney Houston’s “I’m Every Woman”-it’s all in me!” Just playing the hand I was dealt.

I AM an Overcomer!

I AM an Overcomer!

It took me a while to actually believe this, but I have decided that my affirmation for the season will be “I AM an Overcomer”. Even as I, along with the rest of the world, am in a season of going through and trying to overcome, I will continue to profess, “I AM an Overcomer”. 

Growing up, I never really faced many trials. I wasn’t big on confrontation.  Never really had any beef with anyone that amounted to anything other than a few snag words of nothingness.  So when adulthood finally hit me, I was caught off guard and left with the age old question, “why me”. 

Before I could live too long in the dwelling space of “why me”, there were many days I had to really sit back and take inventory on what was actually happening in my life that made me want to ask that question, but what I found were many answers that would lead me to the place I am now where I can confidently say “I AM an Overcomer”!

To my younger girls-After graduating college, I chose the path of staying behind in my college town for a relationship rather than pursuing my passion of becoming an Interior Designer. It was very discouraging because it seemed that no matter what I did, I could not get in the right vein to make the relationship work AND “go hard” at being a designer.  It took 12 years, but finally in January 2020 I hosted my first public Interior Design meet and greet for my own business.  I wanted to give up quite a few times, but right when I was getting ready to throw in the towel, I received a message in my business inbox from someone who had been holding on to my card for two years, stating that she had never used a designer and she believed I would be a great fit for her home project.  I AM an Overcomer!

This year has been a rough year for the whole world. We have all spent almost 8 months locked in the house on a nationwide quarantine. Yet and still I have managed to keep pushing through the uncertainty while providing programming for young girls with topics that once touched me that seem to be touching them. I AM an Overcomer!

I’ve spent years being afraid to admit that I was a victim of domestic violence (a blog post for a different day 😉) and it still feels weird to say. I recently made the decision to meet with a counselor which allowed me the space to fully tell my story the way I want to tell it-a much needed release. Soon I will be taking steps to help other women and families that have been victims of that circumstance as well. I AM an Overcomer!

Last but not least, for years I’ve been trying to find ways to “bloom where I’ve been planted” at my current place of employment rather than run from the position like I’ve always done. I prayed for wisdom and vision and was graced with the opportunity to create and release a program that has been geared towards girls that look like me.  I didn’t really want to release the program in the current position I am in, but God revealed to me that I cannot take hold of something new until I let go of what I am holding onto. Facing many obstacles and naysayers that surfaced with the launch of the program, I’ve found peace in knowing that I’ve been graced with the position to do exactly what I have been purposed to do.  I AM an Overcomer.

Scripture James 1:2-4 says it best: “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.”  There are so many things that we will face in this life that will cause us to often ask the question “why me”, but every time that question arises, you can face that thought head on by proclaiming in advance, “I AM AN OVERCOMER”.

Feature from Blog post by Conchetta Jones at https://www.satwoman.com/
Shana Jenkins is a 34-year old mother of two born and raised on the South Side of Chicago. With a strong belief in “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life,” she continues to pursue her passions of interior decorating and mentoring young girls, despite the odds that are stacked against her. Restoration is a word she strongly lives by.

The Church As We Know It (The Intro. Pt. 1)

Hello everyone! I would like to thank all of you who will personally take the time to check out my new blog about Christianity and “The Church As We Know It”.  Honestly, I can’t tell you how long this blog will be around or how many topics will be discussed, but what I can tell you is that whenever the Holy Spirit leads me to do so, I will speak on and share whatever it is He gives me. Let me just point out I AM NO THEOLOGIAN, EVANGELIST, EXPERT or what have you. I am simply a young woman wanting to express my views on something I feel strongly about, share my testimonies, bring enlightenment on areas I’m familiar with, and give people an opportunity to engage in healthy conversations that provoke thought, insight, and growth for all who are seeking to know more about Christ.  I encourage feedback, as I believe learning is a daily process and I am sure we can feed off of each other…now let’s get started!

First and foremost, let me point out that this is in no way intended to be a controversial site.  The goal here is to be a friendly, open space to discuss Biblical topics about Christ, the Church, the Word of God and all things affiliated, so in short…NO DRAMA!! The viewpoints expressed here are simply to convey my personal convictions and revelations on what the Holy Spirit has given me throughout my journey of learning and living the Word of God. It is my belief that the Word meets us wherever we are in life, so don’t be offended if some of the things I talk about you haven’t experienced, I believe as long as the common denominator is the same then we’re on the right track. The good news is that we are a group of individuals discussing the Word of God and gaining knowledge through online fellowship on topics that are everlasting- so please engage peacefully…here goes!

I want to start off with a topic that is very near and dear to me because it has been a very integral part of who I am since I was about 9 years old.  That topic is the Church-as we know it- and I say as we know it because there are so many misconceptions and false truths floating around that I have to speak up and stand on what I believe in. The devil used to have me at a place where I was to shy or afraid to speak up, but now I just can’t keep quiet; I think that was all part of his plan. Over the past couple of months, I have been labeled as “New in Understanding” , “A Babe in Christ”, and “Declaring my Righteousness with Jesus” which is why I believe the Holy Spirit kept prompting me to write this Blog, clear some things up, and let people know who and what I am, and then lead into clarifications of the original intent behind His church (which will more than likely be discussed in Pt. 2).

I did not grow up in a family where we were forced to go to church, especially not 5 days a week and twice on Sundays.  My grandmother and great-grandmother attended a C.O.G.I.C church (Church of God in Christ), but never really forced us to go; us meaning my sister, brother, and mother (at least not in her adult years).  Now this was a very traditional church on the Southside of Chicago- I’m talking, ol’ skool, bring ya Sundays’ best and ya ‘chuch’ hats and slips, don’t talk, sleep, stand, play, or have-to-use-the-bathroom-while-the-preacher-is-preaching kind of church.  At least that’s how I remember it the few times the grannies did make us go.

Fast forward a few years, my sis, bro, and I were placed in a Catholic School-not because it was our belief system, but because at that time, our circumstances determined we needed a safe place for schooling and asap.  So there we were; I was in 2nd grade at the time we started there. By the time I got to 3rd grade, the Holy Spirit started tugging on me to faithfully attend church, only at that time I didn’t know that’s what (or Who) it was. I didn’t realize that’s what was going on until I was well into my adulthood and began to reflect on my childhood after being asked constantly “Why you always going to church?”. It’s just something I’ve always liked to do. We would go to mass during the school week and on Sundays if our parents were part of the church or wanted to take us.  But to be quite honest, I couldn’t tell you about anything the priests were talking about; I was there in the physical every Sunday, but my mind was somewhere in la la land….every Sunday! What I do remember, other than those tasty little snacks me and a friend used to eat like Skittles which I later found out to be symbolic for the body of Christ 🙊, was watching these young kids walk around the church in these white robes helping the priests and SERVING on the altar.  When the opportunity presented itself, I asked my mom could I join and she asked why, and I’m about 90% sure my answer was “I’ont know”. Because I didn’t know at that time, it just interested me and I wanted to do it, so I did. The only thing was you had to get baptised first to serve in the church, so I did, Baptised under the Catholic Religion in 3rd grade all because the Holy Spirit had given me a heart to serve in the church at a young age (but even through all that, it didn’t hit me until later why I was always so moved to be in and active in church. It never felt right if I had to miss church for whatever reason. And that was my life from 3rd grade, all the way up to the earliest part of my Freshman year of high school.  Now before y’all get all (insert what y’all thinking here), this was waay before anyone was even talking about Catholicism as “the white man’s religion to justify slavery”-well in my age group at least. And be that as it may, that had nothing to do with why I was there. For me, as I look back, it was the place that laid my spiritual foundation; the place where God started flourishing His Holy Spirit within me.  The few things I do remember taking away (other than that good ol’ bread) were the basics of the 10 commandments, and the acknowledgement of the names Moses and Jesus, the Virgin Mary, and that Jesus was crucified, died, and was buried-the foundation.

It wasn’t until my Senior of college that I met someone that told me being Catholic was wrong and that I needed to change that or we couldn’t “hang out”. I didn’t really question it because I had already been looking for a stable church wherever I could find a good one. Mind you, I hadn’t been to a Catholic church since Freshman year of High School, but this person wasn’t trying to hear that.  The in between years were spent at whatever church I could get to on Sunday mornings that gave me that Spiritual Fix, my spiritual filling station as my current pastor calls it. There was another C.O.G.I.C., couple Baptists, Apostolic, and even some on campus worship centers. For whatever reason, God kept me in His house and I had no other desire than to obey, all my life, all by myself (well I did go with friends from time to time). But anyway, it wasn’t until that person told me that it mattered whether you were Catholic, Baptist or not, that my antennas clicked on and I started to question what the differences were between the churches and so much more. And as this person began to tell me all sorts of things about the Bible, I started getting this weird feeling in my spirit; it seemed like my spirit would naturally question things that were being said if it didn’t sound right. This person would literally say things, and I’d be like “errr? That don’t sound right”even though I had no prior in depth, biblical knowledge. For me, from 3rd grade to Senior year of College, church was just a place I always felt at home, I felt at peace, and I felt comfortable.  I had no idea that the Holy Spirit had me in those churches making His deposits into my Spirit for the journey that He was getting ready to take me on. As I began to grow and recognize the Spirit for what He had been in my life, when that individual began to strongly impress things on me that would immediately conflict with my spirit, I flipped the switch to on and that’s when I realized that maybe there is something to this Church thing and I began to be awakened to the real meaning and purposes behind the church’s intent, God, and I started reading and researching for myself.  That was over 10 years ago and the Spirit has yet to leave my side. Now that doesn’t mean it has been all cloud floating and unicorn rides.  The transition from Him holding my hand, to me stepping out thinking I was grown, to trying to get back to Him, was by no means a walk in the park. But nonetheless, from what he deposited in me at such an early age, I knew exactly at what point to call on Him and He definitely stepped in right in time! I believe Keri Hilson calls it “That Breaking Point”. Lol. And that’s how it all started. The amazing thing of it all is that the Holy Spirit really does speak to me-and you. You just have to listen. Do I hit the nail on the head every time, of course not! But I’m not afraid to ask questions about topics and things I’ve been unsure about. Some people think I ask questions to challenge them, but that’s not the case. The Bible says ask and you shall receive, so I do. I ask questions, I receive insight, I pray about it, (I wrestle with myself about if that’s me answering, leaning on my own understanding, or the Holy Spirit quite often), and I let it go until He answers- sometimes😏. But when that thang speaks, I’m talking about wake me up out my sleep speak, I then know what the truth is and that’s where I get my peace and understanding- From the tugging on my heart, and the loud, strong voice in my ear when I’m wondering if I’m hearing the right thing or not. I’ve heard people say don’t question God-that’s false. You ask all the questions you need to, but when he speaks (hint: and He’s never going to tell you do anything wrong or dishonest, or that won’t bring you peace. If you hear that, that ain’t God), you better take heed!

So now that you have a little insight on my walk with Christ over the past 23 years, I hope we can move forward in this thing together! There is so much more to learn, so much more to discuss, and it is my hope that we can grow forward in healthy conversation by sharing your thoughts, comments, preferred topics below.  My next post will be about why the church has such a bad wrap these days and what we as followers of Christ can do to change it…until next time…✌Be Blessed!